Don't be Fussy…..

Don't be Fussy…..

Dinner time 8.30pm ……."Khushi"...shouts her husband Akash, "Chapati is not roasted properly".

"Oh sorry dear, next chapati i will make it better"…tells khushi..

"Khushi...Sagu has less salt and is very bland ...how many times should I tell you to make it spicy".

"Khushi...why is this plate not cleaned"…...complains Akash.

"Khushi...look... the dining table is littered, how can i have food in this messy place...can’t you clean it before dinner"…....Akash claims he is spic-and-span and very particular about food and he wants everything to be in order….This irritates Khushi.

From the kitchen a blunt wooden object came flying and landed on his head...  thud...There Khushi standing in front of him fuming with anger and wiping the dripping sweat from her face ….with crossed elbow on her waist…..she shouts at him ...."You are very fussy!!…. can you not adjust one day,  even I have just come back from work and I am as tired as you are". They both get into arguments followed by a small mahabharata battle, after that one of them shows the white flag and they reconcile and sleep.

Next day morning, its quarter to 9, Akash is restless, it is getting late, he has an appointment with a client around 11am, Khushi is not yet ready…..he has to drop her to office, her office is on the way to his office.

Angrily goes to her dressing room and finds she is busy selecting the dress from her cupboard. On seeing Akash, she says "hi dear can you help me select the dress, tell me which dress i should wear. Pink, yellow or Saree or  Salwar, Jeans, ....I am just not able to decide…. dress should match with accessories"…...she smiles.

"What the heck……are you out of your mind….don’t you know it is getting late. I have an important meeting at 11am, wear something and start now…………. why you girls are so fussy about the dress. Come fast we have to hurry”

She retorts, "You guys are boring, very raw and tasteless"…now he loses his control, but has no freedom to throw anything, he gets back to the car and waits for her to come….

Sounds familiar?….this script is from every day drama happens in most of the families.

All of us are fussy to some extent; we are fussy about food, about clothing, about jobs, relationships etc. Trouble starts when your behaviour goes to extremes.

While ordering food in a restaurant some people get too fussy and it irritates the onlookers and embarrasses colleagues or family members.

Familiar scenes: In a showroom, the poor salesman puts a heap of dresses in front of the customer, and the customer is never happy and still wants to look for more designs or patterns. After spending sufficient time, mercilessly walks out without making a purchase. There is no remorse or sympathy for the poor salesman. When you ask them they're unregretful and say he has been paid to do that job.

When you slice and dice the anatomy of fussiness, some questions pop up.

•    Is it because we have too many choices available today?

Answer is yes, we have many choices available and we would like to pick the best which gives   maximum value for our money, and in the process we get fussy in selection.

Just a couple of decades back, we did not have so many choices either in products or services. Post globalization, a plethora of products and services are available at an affordable price. Companies are enticing customers with attractive schemes and installments. Even a middle class and lower middle class people can afford to buy. When so much choice is available it’s natural to look for the best product to get the value for your money. It is like a buffet in a hotel, so many items are spread in front of you, and without   a bother you eat, and get sick.

• Does this give a sense of pride?

Some people wear pride on their sleeves and they love to flaunt it in front of everyone. This gives them immense satisfaction and inflates the ego. Hence they love to get fussy throwing their weight around.

• Is it a sign of trouble adapting to changing times?

Before the onset of modern era, man had simple, well defined roles much more suited to local life. But now after advent of modern era, it is become complex. Our outer expression, our dressing, language, mannerisms have become nuanced. Our etiquette has developed into a subtle and delicate art. There's an underlying current of nagging stress to match all that with perfection. To provide for all that society has come up with a wide variety of creative choices. Making right choices requires calm judgment. When you lack that faculty or when you're still in the process of developing it you tend to be nervous, and fussy. As you mature you'll acquire the faculty of calm and swift judgment and you'll no more tend to be fussy.

•  Is it because of compulsive behaviour?

Small percentage of people falls in this category. They are not clear about what they want, and they are strongly driven by obsession that results in restless and repetitive acts. Though it is annoying to them, they are unable to control. Such situations warrant, psychological counseling and corrective suggestions after understanding the underlying cause.

• Wrong role models

Role models have a huge influence on our behaviour. These role models are film personalities, sportsmen, business magnets and even politicians. We try to unrealistically imitate their lifestyle without understanding the class difference and hence we fumble and tumble in the behaviour and become fussy over little things.

There are some questions we need to ask ourselves;

Why should we spend so much time on trivial things, is it worth spending?

Can't we use the same for betterment of ourselves?

Life is precious, we only have so many days on this earth, why waste time and resources in fussing around trivials.  It does not serve any purpose.

Look around there are so many underprivileged who are struggling to get one square meal a day. Corona has taught us a great lesson that our life is ephemeral like a bubble. Life is a dynamic process, not static. We're all caught in the web of time, don't waste your time and money on trivia

Let me end this with a nice story.

 A village was flooded with water due to heavy rains. Water levels rose to dangerous mark, people started fleeing to safe place in the boats with their belongings. In one of the boats, a family of 4 members with a pet dog was moving to the safe place. The boat was overloaded, since they had stuffed many house hold items in it. The water currents were swift and the boat was overloaded, a slightest jerk would endanger and sink the boat. Inside the boat a mischievous dog was jumping and playing in the boat, risking everyone’s life. Somehow it was uncontrollable.

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A sage  passing close by in another boat , saw this and thought boat can sink any moment if the dog continue to jump and play, immediately shouted and told those guys to  “throw the dog in to flood water”  and leave it there for some time and don't forget to hold the chain so that it will not wash away in water.  The dog was thrown in to the river, dog couldn’t withstand the pressure as water force was heavy, it started gasping for air …. it struggled to survive and somehow held on to the boat. After sometime the dog was pulled back to the boat. Lo….now the dog becomes quiet and  happily sits in the corner of the boat.

Moral is: Appreciate what you have and value it, you will never know what awaits us tomorrow, being fussy or grumbling for anything and everything will not take you far.

“The woods are lovely dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep”