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Wednesday, February 26, 2020

Habit…. a bit…….it…..rain success






 5 am, the alarm starts ringing loudly...……. hand from the bed creeps out and bangs the snooze button; again he falls asleep………….every day the same habit continues.
Oh God!!! how many times should I tell you not to carry newspaper to wash room….yells his wife…..mummy,  daddy takes  newspaper to read it  in the toilet (on commode), else he will constipate, chuckles his son and runs to get his school bag.
Son bites his nail while watching TV, mother rebukes him, spanks gently on his knuckles and yells…….it’s a BAD HABIT. 
He smokes a lot of cigarettes; he is a chain smoker…. She frowns upon him and shouts it’s a BAD HABIT.
This guy reads at least an hour before he goes to bed…….GOOD HABIT.
Old man donates money to poor people for education……NICE HABIT.
She never gossips, empathizes with everyone, and insists that we should understand the situation before we form an opinion…very GOOD HABIT
All of us have formed habits, may be good or bad, each habit has its own effect on behavior and action.
 “Any act preformed repetitively over a sustained period of time” becomes a habit.
HABIT has been powerfully explained below.
Remove H….A BIT will remain…..remove A…..BIT will remain…..remove B…..IT will remain.
Good habits propel you to move forward in life and the bad habits pull you down and stagnates you. Cultivating good habits is the most important thing in life.
 “Everything that you are today, and everything you will ever accomplish, is determined by quality of the habit that you have”---Brain Tracy
Children need to develop good habits from early on. Couple of examples come to my mind ..... we have been witnessing traffic violations, and other unlawful activities, like signal jumping, footpath driving, over speeding etc…. If these kids are educated from early on, and taught a sense of what's right and what's wrong, they're likely to form right habits and become law abiding citizens. In some countries, it is a part of curriculum, to educate kids on habit of obeying rules, and to make a visual impact, a video is played and shown how violating rules can cause problems to oneself and others.
We have seen, some guys struggle to develop good habits, whereas, others effortlessly do it and succeed in life. Reason could be, not being self-disciplined, lack of motivation, lack of commitment, lack of a clear goal, complacency, lack of consistency and a habit of procrastination and giving in to endless distraction and not making the most of our time.
Seldom do we make effort towards developing a habit, till we're jolted down by some incidence.
It is true that tons of books, articles and information are available on cultivating good habits, but we skim through the information and rarely internalize the concept.
Cultivating and internalizing the right habits will become easy and effortless, if we follow and implement the points given below in the right spirit.

  1. Set your intentions:
It has the power to change your life. Intention is a focus on what you want to experience in the future and it enables you to carve a path to achieve the desired result. 
You need to fortify your intention by,
a.       Writing  your intentions
b.      Create images of your intentions.
c.       Look for thoughts, feelings and experiences that support the intentions.
d.      Each day contemplate on your intentions.
             Once you set your intentions firmly, rest becomes easy.
  1. Discipline:  At the heart of success is self-discipline
It's a bridge between the goal and accomplishment.  Do small things on a daily basis to move ahead, never stop or give up…Initially you may find it a bit hard but with self-discipline  you can achieve the impossible.
Ex: Sports personalities, through self-discipline are able to achieve success. (Sachin Tendulkar, Tiger woods……..). 

”Success by inches is a cinch, by yards too hard”
Disciplined approach slowly inch you towards your goal.

  1. Focus on Routine than Reward:
            Example:   if you have decided to lose 20 kilos in three months.
             You have to focus on the routine which is very critical to get to your reward. i.e…….get up                early in the morning, regularly hit the gym and do grinding exercises and follow proper diet.
  1. Be Patient and persistent :
One tends to get distracted for various reasons, like inertia, change in priorities and procrastination. Adhering to the routine and practicing it with tenacity is important.
21 days of continuous practice has psychological implications, our brain registers the activity and it becomes a habit. Next continuous practice for 90 days seems to have a lasting impression and it gets embedded with your routine and you unconsciously start practicing with ease.


Note:  Forming good habits in all walks of life makes life like a breeze.
If you want to discuss/ understand more on habits, please mail me, I will be very happy to answer all queries.




Sunday, February 16, 2020

Cracked Pot………..Imperfection to perfection a sneak peek.









I apologize for not being useful…..i am sorry……. I am able to deliver only 50%, I have flaws and imperfections, wailed the cracked pot……pot bearer pacifies the cracked pot and shows, how he used its defect as advantage and created rows of flowers on the way from the river to his house and those flowers are now blossomed, they are being used for decorating and worshiping God……..story goes like this and all of us are familiar with the it.

For the benefit of those who have not read the story, let me briefly explain.

 A water bearer had two large pots, each hung on each end of pole, which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had crack on it, while the other pot was perfect.

When the pot bearer use to carry water from river stream to his master’s house, cracked pot was able to deliver only half of it, while the other pot was able to deliver full water.

For two years it went on like this, the perfect pot was pride of his accomplishment. But the poor cracked pot was miserable and ashamed of its own imperfection. It spoke to the water bearer and told him that “I apologize and I am ashamed of myself for not doing justice” because of my flaws I don’t give full value to your effort.

Noticing its miserable state, water bearer told the pot, as we return to master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path”

When the cracked pot saw the beautiful flowers on the way, he told that I have always known about your flaws, I took advantage of it, I planted flower seeds on your side path, and every day while we return back from stream, you have watered them, for years I have been picking these flowers and using it for decoration and worshiping. This cheered the cracked pot. 

The story is a metaphor; we all have our cracks and flaws. Challenge is to identify and find good use of unique talents.

 Physical flaws throw up lot of challenges, the process of transformation using other faculty to one’s advantage is tedious and stressful, you may need a creative, empathetic person to help you to overcome or some strong individual may find solutions on their own.

We keep hearing stories about some physically disabled guys who achieved highest degree of success in one or the other areas. Some examples, Stephen hawking, despite his illness and whole body was paralyzed from head to toe, he used voice synthesizer to communicate and all his life he was confined to wheel chair, it did not stop him to become an exemplary researcher and professor in Physics, he wrote many books on the subject of cosmos.

Another example is Nick Vujicic, he has no legs and hands, he is the founder of LIFE WITHOUT LIMBS- He is a motivational speaker and travel across the world and he has authored couple of books. He is an inspiration to millions of people.

These two are extreme cases, but, some commonly seen physical defects (like long nose, short ears, split lips…..) they become shy and loose self-confidence. However, many people face it with courage and they overcome through effectively employing the mental faculty and are able to compensate their defect with something completely different.

All of us have defects/imperfections, be it psychological, physical, emotional or intellectual. Many guys are tight-lipped about defects and suffer silently without taking action, and they develop inferiority complex and low self-esteem. This becomes great impediment to the growth.    

It’s up to the individual to recognize the imperfection and get it rectified, however, at times, we may need the support from various people, like, Manager/Leader/Mentor/Teacher, who have got the uncanny skill to recognize the defects and help the individual to navigate through the processes and overcome defects.



I have outlined few tips, which will help individuals to take corrective action on their own and overcome imperfections.

1. Recognize: introspection is the best way to recognize the gap, it will be a guiding light and help to recognize and prompt us to take action.

2. Reflecting & Reasoning: Recognizing the defect alone is not sufficient; it has to be reflected and  reasoned out in the light of reality, which gives you a reasonable understanding about the defect and the cause for it.

3. Required action Plan: Having recognized and reasoned out the defects, now you must be ready to draw plan of action, it should be comprehensive which includes the periodicity, process to be followed, and help required.

4. Resources required: List out the resources required and if necessary take help of others (Resources may be, a book, trusted friend, money, psychologist, or counselor).

5. Be Responsible for the change: Owning the responsibility is most important aspect, owning responsibility for your behavior and consequent actions. This defines your focused effort on the outcome and you demonstrate a winner mind set.

Throughout the process, staying optimistic and not losing hope is the key for success.
Self-Transformation is an ongoing process that requires continuous inner work.

Tuesday, February 11, 2020

Emotional Resilience







 Long back (maybe 15 years) I watched a motivational video and read an article about a high impact accident and how the survivor reconstructed his life in the face of the worst disaster. Video and the story are etched in my mind so deeply, even after so many years i am able to vividly recall every incident and many times it flashes through my mind.

A family met with an accident and 4 out of five members succumbed to injuries and dies on the spot. The man who survived had around 15 fractures, you  name the bone it was cracked, his spinal cord was badly damaged, the face was completely destroyed, disfigured, it took neurosurgeon, orthopedics and physiotherapist and cosmetic surgeon to reconstruct and repair his damaged body and keep him alive. When he regained his consciousness, doctors explained to him how badly he was hurt and told him that chances of complete recovery are bleak and he may not be able to walk again and he may have to survive in a wheelchair with many imperfections/ handicap. On hearing this he was devastated and emotionally collapsed.

He had lost all hopes and resigned to fate, he was worried about the future life. As he was depressed and given in to despair and not so optimistic, his rehabilitation process was getting very slow and painful. As Divine Wills, one fine day, he hears the inner voice whispering in his head to fight back and conquer the pain and fear, which was the defining moment; he decides to take charge of the life. He resolutely fights with intense emotion and solid WILL power. His routine for the next 6 to 8 months during rehabilitation was excruciatingly painful, and he overcomes all that through his indomitable spirit.

Tears flow down the cheek and you will be swelled with emotion when you watch them struggle and the excruciating pain he goes through in the process of recovery. it almost took 12 to 14 months of struggle to get back to the normal state.

Something strong inside of us that constantly keep reminding about our strength and potential and propel us to move forward from deep despair of hopelessness to hopefulness, and Emotional resilience, a profound character, every person has the inherent potential and the ability to bounce back.  

The above story is one of the rare cases, not all go through intense trauma like this.

However, the challenging times we go through creates a lot of stress and drain our energies, in such a situation, trying to be resilient and to bounce back seems to be an uphill task. We shall see below a few tips to overcome the challenge.

The American Psychological Association defines resilience as, “The process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress – such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors”


Image result for emotional resilience




There are different attributes to resilience and it varies from person to person and there are many ways to bounce back from adversities. I have picked up  5 major attributes. The above diagram illustrates the attributes of resilience.(courtesy: Google images)

However, there are many more attributes a resilient person exhibits; we will see some of them.

Positive: Change is inevitable, we tend to react to change than accepting and adapting to it, we should stop bemoaning and shun the past glory/ trauma, understand where our talent lies and moves out of self-limiting beliefs.

Locus of control: How you believe yourself can control the outcome. People with Locus of control (Internal) take responsibility for their lives and believe that it’s their action that leads to the outcome. They have strong faith in themselves.

Face your fears:  face your fears and you get more strength, the perspective about the problem changes and you will find a different dimension to life.

Practice spirituality: Faith in spiritual practices, irrespective of the religion keeps you afloat during the times of difficulty, a catalyst to bring change fast, helps to cope up with stress, and pushes you forward to find solutions.

Get Social support: it’s essential to talk to people who have gone through challenging events and get tips from them. Connect socially and interact with more people. Counselor is also helpful psychologically instill confidence and soothes your mind.


The answer lies not only in the development of resilience in its many forms, but in our personal narratives, or the stories we tell ourselves. Each of these concepts has a tremendous impact on the shape our lives take, and what differentiates those who bounce back from those who never fully recover.

Thursday, February 6, 2020

When Life Throws you Curveballs……



When Life Throws you Curveballs…………………




Hi Guys, I am back again, in my last blog I just touched up on the benefits of being in the present moment and also I outlined few tips on mindfulness, hope you enjoyed reading it.

While I was just thinking about the next topic to blog, I am reminded of couple of incidences, how people are able to surmount the challenges when life throws curveballs. The emotional turmoil they go through while handling the situation.

Challenges catche you off guard, it can strike you in many ways be it a personal loss (losing near and dear one’s or spouse), getting afflicted with terminal diseases, career and job upheavals, financial loss and many more.

When you faced with such  unpleasant life’s situations, it’s quite natural to despair and lose all hopes. Life looks gloomy.  However, there is silver lining around the dark cloud.

Interestingly, I have seen some cases where the affected person has shown phenomenal endurance and emotional resilience; they display never say die attitude, without any trace of hopelessness or depression but they  stay calm and composed during the turmoil and are fully incharge of life.

 When such incidence occurs some guys nearly collapse and react negatively. On close scrutiny, we see a pattern of behavior (in most cases) where an individual get in to “Victim mindset” and start brooding about the situation rather than finding solutions, Seldom they make effort to wriggle out of the situation and end up prisoners of their own mindset. They often find solace in sharing their stories with sympathetic people. 

In the game of life, curveballs are inevitable and life is full of ups and downs,twists and turns, while we cannot control what happens around us but can certainly control what happens within us by expanding  horizon of thinking and developing emotional agility and flexibility, this will surely enable us to respond to the situation than reacting.

Every problem has solutions, we need to look at from different perspective, when shift in perspective happens you find the solution just around.

1.        Acknowledge:
 When misfortune befalls all of a sudden, acknowledging and reconciling to the reality will  be difficult, it takes time and psychologically mind goes through few phases to come to  terms with reality.

Phases are: Shock, denying, anger, bargaining, depression and finally accepting.

Individual maturity and tolerance level determines how quickly one moves out of each stage.

Example:  someone might take longer time to come out of shock state and someone else may take more time to come out of depression or someone may quickly accept the reality.

2.       Stay calm and composed:
Do not get panic and stress yourself since mind gets clouded by negative thoughts and  blocks your judgment. Few of them get panic attacks which leads to health complications.

Harmful neurotransmitters are released when you are distressed/panicked which leads to mental health issues. Keep your mind calm, don’t race your mind in an imaginative world (mind immediately rush to imagine worst case scenario, it may not happen in the future). By staying calm you will come to terms with reality and which  will enable you to take better decision.

Focus on your breathing, slowly breath in and breath out, observe your breath pattern and focus on it for 10 to 15min, mind becomes calm.

3.       Talk to trusted partners or counselor:
Confiding with someone who you can trust act as Catharsis,it helps  in building  emotional resilience. Trusted confidante can offer you wonderful suggestions and give different perspective.
a counselor will be a better partner in your recuperative journey.

4.       Reinvent and Rebuild yourself:  
Curveballs are actually blessing in disguise, utilize this as an opportunity to reflect (we may not have thought of it till now) on your potential and look for ways and means that exists to serve society at large. Reinvent yourself in the new direction, create new path, acquire necessary skills.This is an opportunity to grow and keep you moving forward.

5.       Let go of things:
 Learn to let go of things, do not hold on to emotional baggage. Shun the ego clashes, decide it’s worth the energy to hold on to it or let go and redirect your energy to more solution oriented things.

6.       Affirmation:
Affirmation is positive stroke you keep suggesting to your subconscious mind, periodically keep repeating the positive affirmation and you can turn your desire in to reality.
( We shall see in my later blogs how to affirm and program subconscious mind)

Last word:
Everything happens for a reason, it may not reveal right now, as the drama of life starts unfolding you will get to know the real reason at the right time…..surrender to the Universe and see the magic.

PS: in extreme cases like loss of spouse and terminal illness, when things are irreversible, it’s difficult to handle and I would say time is the healer.