FEAR……Scare it out of your mind.

 FEAR……Scare it out of your mind.

 Deer run faster than its predators, but it gets caught easily and killed. The Deer is slim and agile, has good energy, despite having strong qualities, it fails to give a slip to the predator and ultimately  succumbs ……....the reason is Fear….the deer is paralyzed by fear gives up and become easy prey.

It is true with all of us, when we see an impending danger we get scared and succumb to the situation.

Fear is so powerful and it swamped in all walks of our life. Some fears are healthy and it helps us to grow. Some are irrational, and it hinders the growth.

Some students who are brilliant and good at studies, they fail to score good marks; it’s because of fear of examination. They tend to forget the subject and mind goes blank, fear over powers their ability.

Some people are scared of flying, a little turbulent in the flight will send the blood pressure shooting high and they get panic attacks.

When you are due for a presentation in the office or  address a gathering,  you become  nervous and get scared of the crowd, you  feel  “Butterflies in the stomach”  and  you pace back and forth , tongue- tied, you cannot recollect the topic……..you fail……… fear takes over you.

Some guys don’t venture or  try new things, be it professional or personal, because of fear of unknown; this may be due to past experience or mental imagination. They fear failure and adaptation and are worried about moving out of comfort zone.

We can continue with the list of fears and how it will affect one’s life…….However,  on the contrary, there are some who thrive on fears, they are known as adrenaline junkies…  ex:  guys who participate in dangerous sports activities, like bungee jumping, sky diving, surfing, river rafting and many more, they like to challenge the fear and conquer it.

 Fears are an unavoidable facet of our life’s experience. It is a natural emotion and survival mechanism. When we confront a perceived threat, our bodies respond in specific ways. Physical reaction is “Fight or Flight”, body prepares either to run or combat.

Constantly being in the state of fear will affect physically and psychologically, it creates anxiety disorders, and other health related issues. This hinders growth and the performance.

Fear restricts our lives and imprisons us. The study reveals that, we experience two types of fear, perceived and the real one. Perceived fears are our mental imaginations and also in anticipation of the future events, it may or may not happen. Real threats, on the other hand, are potentially dangerous, more often than not, involves physical harm.

It is estimated that 80% of our fears are the perceived one, isn’t it a good revelation!!.  Now let’s resolve to overcome the challenge.

  

Below I have put down my thoughts on how to overcome the monster called fear.

 Face the fear:  Facing the fear can help you realize situation is not as bad as you imagined. It helps in building confidence & shows your strength to handle the situation on your own.

Swami Vivekananda, narrates a story of monkey, a few monkey ganged up and scaring tourists by blocking the way, they used to snatch food and snacks. One day they attacked Swami Vivekananda, he thought of running back, but saw more monkeys started chasing him, screaming and making scary noises. He decides to face the monkey, he turned back and stared at them fearlessly and monkeys vanished in no time.

Moral: If you face your fear instead of running away from them, they will run away like monkeys.

      Focus on breathing:  Breathing is most essential of all practices, it is “Prana Vayu”. Focusing on deep breathing helps you relaxing and reducing the anxiety. When the pang of anxiety attacks, focus on breathing and take couple of deep breaths, it brings down the jitter and calms the mind.

Learn different techniques of Pranayama (one of the 8 limbs of Patanjali Yoga Sutra) it gives great relief and you calm down instantly.

  Take one at a time: Do not try to tackle all your fears at a time, just pick one and work on it.

Starting small can help build confidence in yourself, as you overcome each new challenge.

Identify false beliefs: All fears are learned and nobody is born with fears. Identifying and rationalizing the beliefs that you have picked up during the course of journey, brings a great relief, It is like “the right diagnosis is half cure”, Identify and drop those irrational fears.

      Hypnotherapy:  When you are experiencing overwhelming fear or anxiety, please consider working with a therapist. Hypnotherapy is very effective, you can program   positive   thoughts in to your mind, erasing or eliminating negative thoughts and beliefs. This is very effective and I have seen many people getting cured and have come out of chronic suffering.

Do not let the fear to rule your life, take corrective action.

There are many techniques available; you can adopt the one which suits you most and combat anxiety and fear. In this write up, I have put down few points basing on my experience as a Hypnotherapist. People have got relief and leading happy life.

How to overcome Fear of Exam.

Tips for students to overcome  and say good bye to exam fear

I remember a story which I feel worth telling before we get on with the subject, it is a prelude to the discussion...The story goes like this….

A little boy was happily skating in a large space; He had only recently learnt to skate and was enjoying every stroke of deft footwork he was making as he maneuver his way zooming past his friends.

His mother, worried about his safety, watched over him continuously waving her hand and shouting instructions.

As he was having a jolly time skating, he noticed a small shadow forming behind him. But he neglected it for a while and lost in the fun he was having skating. But soon shadow began to loom so large as to threaten to swallow him. The boy got scared out of his wits and began to run. But it was a futile run as the grisly shadow overwhelmed him and swallowed him. The monstrous shadow that always lurked in him was his fear of exams.

 The above narrative is a metaphor. As normal kids, we’re naturally fearless, joyful, and very confident spontaneously indulging in our passions but somewhere along, the society, parents, and the system came up with their false demands and expectations on us and effectively sowed the seeds of fear of failure in the child. Fear of failure because it’s an artificial demand unrelated to natural talent oriented towards our passion. This is the origin of the fear of exams that grows from bugbear to a monster that sometimes terrorizes hapless kids to even suicide.

It’s not uncommon to feel the fear just before and during  exams. Every student must have gone through this phase experiencing the mild to severe form of fear. As per the study, 30% to 40% of the students suffer severely and 30% moderately and the rest of the students experience a mild form of fear.

Let’s find out the reason for the fear and also ways to deal with it.

What is the Genesis of Fear?

         1. Pressure from parents:

Parents pressurize kids just to keep up with false prestige. Sadly, the parents never consider the natural/special talent the kid has for something within or outside academics, but they force the kid to follow someone's success story and practice herd mentality without understanding the child's potential, likes and dislikes. Parents are wrongly influenced by neighbors and relatives. The continuous pressure on the child creates negative thought patterns that culminate in developing anxiety, tension, and loss of self-confidence.

2. Teachers:

Education is not accumulation of information but character building.

 Teachers are the best architects building child’s character.

They play a key role in the overall development of the child. They are the role models should lead by their examples.Such teachers  have a huge influence on kid's behavior. However, a teacher  can make or break confidence of a child. Some teachers instead of motivating and creating a competitive spirit, criticize the child’s abilities, and make an unfair comparison with other students. Such remarks impact them negatively and dent their confidence.

3.Peer pressure:

Peer pressure is a high influencer and affects the behavior pattern; it is good to have a little pressure as it helps to develop a competitive spirit. Students get confused when the peer influence is not in alignment with personal growth agenda or development. They remain clueless about the future course of action and, naturally, stress builds up.

 4. Lack of planning and preparation:

No significant achievement is worth mentioning without planning and preparation. They are the two important steps in effectively achieving the goal. Some students lack planning & preparation mainly because of casual attitude and lethargy, added to that they get misguided by the friends and seniors. They happily while away  time only to realize that exams are at the doorsteps and in a hurry begin last-minute crash preparation that only ends up in a big mess.

5. Lack of confidence:

If faith can move mountains, confidence can shatter them.

Confidence can break the unbreakable, that’s the power of confidence. When aspiration of students don’t match with expectations of parents  and society, added to that if he is being bombarded with  negative affirmations and criticized for some gaps in life affects them negatively, and  the student may gradually lose confidence. The feeling of unfit or that he is a misfit begins to take hold of him.

 What are the symptoms of fear of exams:

Symptoms range from simple anxiety to panic attacks and in rare cases, the students may resort to the extreme step of committing suicide.

We can classify symptoms in 3 parts.

1. Physical Symptoms: Physical symptoms are the first manifestation of anxiety neurosis.

Symptoms include, heavy sweating, giddiness, diarrhea, short of breathe, palpitation and butterflies in the stomach, and dry mouth.

2. Emotional Symptoms: Feelings of anger,  hatred, disappointment,helplessness, loneliness and loss of confidence are some of the emotional symptoms.

3.Cognitive and Behavioural symptoms: Finding tough to understand the subject, negative thinking, difficulty in concentration, inability to recall the subject.

During my college days, some of my studious friends, who meticulously planned & prepared (even during my PG course) for the examination much in advance had either scored less marks or flunked in the exams. The obvious reason was mental pressure which they couldn't cope with, they lost self-confidence and miserably failed to perform in the exam.

Students undergo tremendous tension in the exam hall, they perspire a lot, when writing the answer their hands' tremor and vision becomes hazy, sometimes negative thoughts flood the minds. Imagination runs riot on the possibility of getting tough questions and subsequent consequences. When the question paper is received, it appears like a death warrant.  All these symptoms ultimately take a toll on the students.

The above symptoms add up to distress and bring down the student’s confidence level. So, it’s time for us to look seriously at some tangible solutions to come out of fear and perform better.

 

a.       Physical preparation:

Being physically fit is an important aspect to keep your energy level high. A fragile & sick body is a big hindrance to performance. It’s imperative to focus and work on your health:  Follow a good diet regime, sleep adequately, and do small stretching exercises to increase   flexibility and tone up the  muscles. Exercise  ensures a continuous flow of positive energy to the brain. Regular exercises help in releasing good hormones and keep your mood elevated.

 b. Mental Preparation:

“A sound mind resides in a sound body”. Now it’s time to take care of our mind.

Mind is a powerful tool, it can do wonderful things provided you learn how to harness and use it to your advantage. Mind is susceptible to suggestions whether positive or negative it creates a lasting impression.

We need to feed our mind with positive suggestions through affirmation: like, I am confident, I am capable,  I am not stressed, I will score good marks. Keep feeding your mind and see the magic.

Avoid stress:  Identify the cause of stress and work on it.  Example: Your effort to score better marks than one of your friends (Secretly harbor in your heart) causes stress, the effect is, you frequently forget or fail to recall the subject.

Action point: Work on reducing stress by doing meditation and breathing exercises, which help in calming your mind and enhances your memory. Work on solving puzzles which increases your grasping ability and concentration. Find ways to beat the competition. 

                     c. Study Preparation:

“Plan your work and workout your plan” should be the motto.

We are good at planning but when it comes to putting it in action we fail miserably

Few tips below may help you to plan and execute without much stress.

      a)   Make a realistic time table well before the exam.
b)   Devote each day to cover all the subjects.
c)   Identify which subject you need to improve and focus more on it.
d)  Try to solve the previous year's question papers.
e)  Pick the right time for your studies, for some early morning suits better and they can concentrate, for some late-night study suits, however, make sure you get adequate sleep.
f)   Make brief notes and highlight the points in the highlighter, these points help you during revision.
g)  Ask for help in case if you are unable to focus or understand the subject.
h)  Rule 2-2-2 should work better: Study two times, Write two times and Revise two times.( SWR -rule works better with ration 2-2-2. However, you can be flexible as per your convenience)

This sums up the exam fear. Just want to reiterate once again as a parting note. Society, parents and teachers play a pivotal role in molding child’s future and hence you need to be careful in your words and actions.  Inspire..Encourage and Empower them.

“If you are planning for a year sow a rice: if you are planning for a decade sow a tree: if you are planning for  a lifetime educate people”.

 

Change

Recently, I met a friend of mine in one of our family functions. He was looking happy, a smile on his face, greeting and talking to every one jovially; he was well dressed and radiating with joy. He was full of life…I saw a tremendous change in him. The same person, a few years back, was a much disturbed man because of marital discord and divorce proceedings; he went through a horrible time …..He had to fight two years of court case and harassment by in-laws to unsettle him and his parents. He   was completely beaten down to the ground, lost interest in life. He used to dress shabbily, stopped socializing because of the stigma. After a series of setbacks, he fought bravely and got over his past and now settled in the US happily……. Breeze of change ……

 Mohammed Ali, a Heavyweight boxer, a social activist, a philanthropist and the most celebrated sports person of the 20th century, won a lot of awards and accolades, he is known for power, tenacity and strength. He was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, a degenerative neurological condition; during his last days he was not able to lift a glass of water.  What an unfortunate change, the person known for his qualities had just died opposite of it.

Change is an inevitable part of life and we all go through the phase, it may be from small change (like….change in interior of house, buying new dress) to the most significant (new Job, Promotion, Marriage ….and getting afflicted with disease). Some are imposed on us, some are caused by, and few are transformative and mundane.

Physically, mentally and emotionally we all go through change. Isn’t it true that nothing is permanent in life, whether its pain or pleasure, success or failure, win or lose, everything is subject to change and it’s transitory. Change is the only constant in life and everything else is transitory.

When we talk about change, often we relate to technology change and impact on the Individual and the society at large.

Globalization is the starting point of the massive change that we are witnessing today. It integrated the world and the business expanded globally.  Many multinationals started operating out of India and enabled technology transfer. The Internet has opened a whole new world of information with the press of a button. Life has become so convenient (Changed) that you can do all transactions  with mobile or laptop, like... you can book a train or Air ticket, order food from your  favorite hotel, and pay the bills...etc

Technology has brought massive and welcome change to the healthcare industry, advanced diagnostic equipment enabled precision and fast diagnosis. Patients have access to best diagnostic tools and treatments. Minimal-invasive treatment reduces pain and enables quick healing. Mobile apps and digitization of records has made life simple and easy.

Advanced technology has changed the way transportation, automotive, aerospace, defense, space technology works.

Artificial intelligence, machine learning and IOT are the game changers.

The list endless and we can go on writing about how technology is changing society and the individual.  While technology is changing at the blink of an eye, in the midst of rapid change, how are we equipping ourselves to adapt to the changing scenario. Do we have the right mindset to accept, adapt and move forward?

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."  - George Bernard Shaw

We are well informed about the need for change and are also aware of the importance and the host of positivity it presents. Somehow, with all the necessary knowledge, we are reluctant to embrace and accept the change.

Different people react differently based on the situation, personality type and motivating factor. Some guys happily accept the change and learn new things. But for many it is threatening and unsettling. 

 The question lingers in our mind, why we fail to embrace wholeheartedly when change comes in our life, be it professional, personal or in any sphere of activities.

Dr.Spencer Johnson’s light-hearted parable about change “Who moved my cheese”  It elaborates the physical and emotional journeys of four characters-Sniff, Scurry, Hem and Haw, in search of cheese, they find, lose and rediscover in the maze. Highly acclaimed book and he gives very good insights and phases one goes through in the process of change anticipate, approach, adapt & manage change.

Process of transformation

We resist change due to the following reasons

1. Lack of confidence
2. Fear of unknown
3. Lethargy
4. Indifference

1. Lack of self-confidence: 60 % to 70% don’t make the decision due to lack of self confidence and they worry about failure. This lack of self-confidence is not genetic, it is triggered due to some incidence in your life or unconsciously you have fallen into the pit without being aware of it.

Ex: A boy was very brilliant in academics in his school and college days and was very confident. When he joined a job, his boss once remarked in front of everyone that “You are not as smart as you think you are” this triggered the reaction and he lost

Self-confidence

You can enhance self-confidence by not relying on others' endorsement, but by working on your personality.  Be confident in what you do. Couple of points below, will help you enhance self-confidence. 

a.     Groom yourself well

b.    Develop good habit

c.     Develop skill and knowledge

d.    Be in the company of positive people

e.     Think positive about yourself

2. Fear of unknown: Fear of unknown stops us from accepting the change, mind plays the trick, it deters us from taking action by feeding negative outcomes. You will have to break the wall of unknown fear and come out on the other side. 

 You can manage the fear of the unknown by adopting simple steps below.

a.     Understanding: Thorough understanding of the subject matter/ situation is the best way to deal with fear of the unknown, you get to the root cause, and if you have a deeper understanding of the situation, you will be better equipped to deal with fear.

b.    To be in the present: Better way to deal with fear of unknown is to be in the       present and do  reality check. Reality check will help you dispel misunderstanding of the situation and bring clarity.

2.     Lethargy: By definition it is lack of energy and enthusiasm. The worst enemy of progress is lethargy. People have lost precious things because of lethargy. It is essential to identify reason for lethargy and take corrective action.

              

                 

a)     Develop passion

b)    Connect socially

c)     Follow proper diet, eat nutrient-rich food

d)    Follow sleep hygiene

  

4) Indifference:  Lack of interest and motivation in something you do is the major constraint to accept the change 

Develop passion and understand what drives you, enhance motivational level, you will come out of indifference.

a)     Do introspection

b)    Daily write your aspirations. You get clarity on what you want to do.

c)     Read motivational books to inspire you.

d)    Talk to your friends or mentor.

Change is possible, it takes lot of conviction and perseverance……….be optimistic and you will ……

6 Easy ways to deal with changes in life:

6 easy ways to deal with change and stay happy without Stress and Anxiety 

 

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be the reality. Let things flow naturally in whatever way they like.”- Lao Tzu

Change is inevitable and it’s the law of nature. Everything in life is continuously changing-  it may be the seasons, the economy, the politics, your friends, family, society, relationships, and the physical body.

 We experience change in every walk of life, human nature is such, we accept happily if the change is in alignment with our desire or resist if it doesn't meet our expectations. When you resist you develop stress and anxiety.

“Change” is an important subject, reams of books and articles have been written about it. “Change Management” is a hot topic in management circles, periodically managers are trained and retrained to manage change with minimal impact on productivity.

“Cultural change” is very important for societal health and it is a very hard process. If society has to evolve and become more civilized, it needs to undergo many transformations by refining and adapting the old practices to new ways of thinking. Given the fact that some people are reluctant to change,  understandably it is a herculean task to educate them to shed the unwanted cultural practices that are not relevant to present times.  Transition to the new mindset and new practices takes years or decades of hard work, as people are psychologically fixated on doing things in a certain way, and hence educating them to realize the bad implications takes a very long time.

Many times mere educating doesn’t work, We need to enforce change through legal reforms. It’s incumbent on govt to bring in necessary acts. A good example is the way Raja Ram Mohan Roy worked for banning SATI practice.

The crux to deal with change is to have the willingness to adapt to a new situation, however, there is always an inherent resistance in us for change. 

Let's examine Change and how to deal with it.

Broadly we experience two types of change.

1) Changes  that you want to initiate(personal change)

2) Changes that are imposed on you.

                               

Changes that you want to bring in life;

The changes you want to see or bring in your life are mostly a personal one. The examples below indicate the changes you wish to have.

1) You are stuck in a dead-end job and want to change the job and progress in your career.

2) You have difficulty in managing emotions, and that’s spoiling your relations. So you intend to bring in greater emotional stability, so that you can have a better family relationship.

3) You would like to have a better financial status. You change your spendthrift habit to a careful and calculated spender, also you will try to increase your ability to earn more by taking up a  part-time job.

4) You want to be in better health and burn that extra flab around your waist. You work on changing diet and routine by increasing activities.

We embrace the change wholeheartedly if the desired change comes true.

However, many times the change we desire may not materialize, instead, we may get something just opposite of it, then we start cribbing and show a great reluctance.  

When a change is not in our favor we step back and resist. We must understand the reality doesn’t change,  we cannot fight reality forever. Sooner we accept, sooner we get back to the flow and gain peace of mind.

However, apart from personal change, some people want to bring in changes in society through reforms or by philanthropic acts,  It is a selfless act which helps humanity at large.

Changes that are imposed on us:

Some changes in life catch you off guard, and you get bewildered by the sudden jolts of change,  Examples;  Natural calamities like earthquakes, pandemics, tsunami, and fire. Others like accidents and blunders.

Similarly, an unexpected turn of events can lead to a  pleasant change,  it excites and makes us happy,  as the unexpected turn of events(a pleasant change) falls in line with our desire.

Example;  Winning a lottery, a surprise promotion, a beautiful, expensive costly gift by someone you love, a good profit despite business odds. Smoothening of strained relations, return of estranged love..etc  you will be in cloud nine and feel the luck has landed on your lap.

 Many times we are not so lucky to get pleasant results. We face huge challenges when sudden jolts of change push us off the ground.

I heard this story when I was a kid. The story is about a sprinter who had dreams of becoming a national champion. He was a great sprinter, hard-working, and smart sports person. He had won many accolades at the state level and he was preparing to enter the national arena.

On a fatal day, he was walking back home on the pavement after the evening practice session, a speeding car lost control and rammed him from behind. The impact was very bad he was thrown up in the air and fell a few meters away unconscious.

When he regained consciousness, he was shocked to see one of his legs amputated due to severe damage.  He was shocked, wept inconsolably …..cried aloud and shouted,…after some time he calmed down and reconciled  ………His dream got shattered, he had to live with one leg……..life changed forever.

Another incident; Lovers got married after a long courtship, it was a dream come true for them. Their love story was like a  fairy tale, everything was hunky-dory. She conceived and happiness knew no bounds family did a very grand baby shower function, the whole family was excited about the child’s arrival. Unfortunately, She gave birth to a spastic child. They were shocked, and couldn’t believe this  could happen to them….dark clouds shrouded their minds ….and life changed forever.

We have heard and seen many such stories where life has turned 360-degree either for better or for worse.

Below i have given  6 way of dealing change with ease without getting in to  anxiety and stress  

Developing the subtle art of managing change without resistance is very important.

Resisting change is resisting reality, instead of going against the truth, try to befriend the fact of life.

1)  Be open and flexible for change;

 Being flexible and open to change gives us an ability to develop a new perspective, and naturally, you get clarity of mind,  clarity enables us to accept the change without resistance.

Example: When you are transferred to a new project.  

The immediate response is NO, we quickly start contemplating on  Pro’s and Con’s, more so on Con’s.  Our antennas go up and catch the wrong signals, We become defensive and stressful and shut our minds. If we accept with an open mind keeping aside the overthinking mind or anxiety,  in all probabilities, we will recognize the inherent opportunities for growth and learning.

2) Analyze the reason for resistance:

Resistance stems from fear of the unknown, it may be due to wrong influence by friends, colleagues, parents, and society, and also due to faulty belief systems. So learn to analyze deeply and take a prudent decision.

Let’s continue with the above example:  Little analysis indicates the  reason for your fear is due to   moving out of the comfort zone, it can also be working with the new boss and colleagues, fear losing the skills that you have mastered.

If you further break down every reason and analyze, you will come to know the reality is not as threatening as you made out in your mind.

Ex:  fear of moving out of comfort zone:  It is not possible to be in the comfort zone forever however, the same zone can become a battleground after a while. That’s the reality. So take a  wise step to accept the change and move on.

3) Stop Judging;

Don’t judge the situation through the lens of your experience. Try to be cautious, but don’t be obsessed.  You don’t need to go through the same experience again as situations are dynamic. So take a fresh look and come out of your prejudices.  You never know, change may spiral you into higher orbits.

4) Learn to let go;

Life doesn’t happen the way we expect or hope for. Holding onto the desire stubbornly is futile to change reality. Learn to let go and embrace change wholeheartedly. You may have to compromise a bit initially, but it is worth taking an action than remaining in the state limbo.

5) Talk to your close people;

When confusion clouds your mind, and you are unable to cope with change and take the decision, Seek help from your trusted people;  they may be your friends, spouse, colleagues, father, mother, brother, or sisters. They can dole out a sensible suggestions and help you resolve the issues.

6) Mindfulness Meditation;

Start practicing mindfulness mediation, initially go for guided meditation later you can do on your own. Mindfulness helps in calming your mind and gives good clarity in the thought process.

Mindfulness brings down stress and anxiety level to a great extent and helps you to cope with the change easily and transitions to new Change will be normal and happy. 

Let’s change for better…..