How to overcome rejection and gain self- confidence; know yourself

Practical ways to deal with rejection; Follow the powerful steps to overcome rejection

 

 

 

Suresh angrily came out of the interview room, threw the credentials file on the ground, he was seething with anger… “bloody fellows again rejected me, they asked god damn questions and no sane person could have answered, they did it purposely as they have already offered the job to an influential candidate,  this interview is just a sham”.

“I tried my best to convince her, I truly love her, she doesn’t understand and rejected me, for reasons best known to her”…with heavy breath Karan told me, his face was contorted with intense pain and eyes were wet with tears. His heart swelled with emotion.

Muthu is not much qualified and works hard to earn money, he struggles to keep his family members happy, somehow they don’t accept him and he feels like an outcast. His elder brother is well qualified and he gets all the attention. Muthu feels terrible whenever they snub him.

Sneha is an average looking girl from a traditional family and never dares to have a boyfriend in college. She is shy and conscious of her looks. Her family members wish to give her in marriage to a decent family. But some 30 to 40 prospective grooms rejected her because of her average looks. She’s frustrated and she lost all hopes.

Shiva is a brilliant software analyst.  His manager is an anarchist who never gives credit or takes his decisions seriously. He ill-treats him in all project meetings and rejects ideas outright without giving it a thought. Shiva is dejected and feels out of place.  He decided to resign and join another company.

Mukund is a senior citizen; he worked in an executive position and earned good money. He was the decision-maker in the family. After retirement, his son and daughter took over. They don’t involve him in any decisions nor discuss with him any matter. They complain he can't hear nor understand. He feels utterly neglected and has gone into depression.

 A peek into the anatomy of rejection;

 Rejection is common in life, it may be due to incompetence,  favoritism,  skin color, jealousy, prejudices,  status….etc

Kids are more prone to get affected by rejection. They need love, care, and attention during the formative years. Between the siblings, they are differentiated and neglected. If they don’t get attention, love, and care they feel rejected, this nasty experience gets rooted strongly and when they grow up, it will manifest in timidity or aggressive behavior.  

 Rejections are the most common and nobody is immune to it, the most talented people have been rejected by one way or the other. When you put yourself out in the competitive world and you become vulnerable, but don’t get fazed by it, look at the odds involved, and accept the general rule- higher the stake higher the rewards.

 Indeed, rejection creates an emotional wound and leaves an indelible scar in our psyche. Whether it is due to the spouse leaving you, or not getting admission to the desired school, or not considered for the cricket team in the college, or when rejected in the family or snubbed by friends.

Whatever the reason for rejection, it just doesn't hurt, it damages psychological well-being, it erodes your self-worth. You feel you are not wanted and feel alone like an outcast.

In every phase of life, the universe puts you through a trial by fire, it’s the way the universe strengthens you from inside. Oftentimes, we fail to understand the grand purpose behind it, we get overwhelmed by the pain and do irrational things and suffer even more.

Why rejection is painful:

We want everything in life to happen the way we want, irrespective of whether we deserve it or not. That’s not the way life works, it has its own way, it bends you kneads you, and gives unexpected twists and turns to provide a lesson. 

Rejection seems to cause major emotional trauma since the Ego plays a vital role in hurting the Self by creating a mismatch in your expectations.

You feel the pain of rejection due to flawed self-understanding, having a victimized mindset and your thought processes are devoid of rationality.

Ex:  One of my friends suggested me to meet his cousin who is depressed and of late has become whacky. He feels he is not successful in any areas of life, he is rejected in all interviews, socially he feels ostracized as none of his friends nor relatives accept him. He harbors a wrong feeling that everyone is out to belittle him

We put him through a few psychological tests to ascertain the cause. We were surprised to know all those rejections were his mental construct.  He feels that nobody is giving attention and he has been neglected. In reality, none of his friends did anything of that sort. They say he is shy and timid and never speaks with anyone.

Some rejections are real and painful and hurt us badly.

Rejection can help you build resilience;

Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, failures, and rejections. As the saying goes  “When the thing gets tough the tough get going”,  

Building resilience is easy and it requires little effort in the right direction. Below i have given a couple of practical points to help you bounce back fast.

1) Understand your strength.

Understanding your strength is the first step in building resilience. SWOT analysis the best way to understand your strength and weakness and map the opportunities to your strength and take action to move forward.

2) Change your perspective.

 Change your perspective means to change how you view the world or the problem and how you feel about it. When perspective change happens you get a greater insight and you will be more rational in handling the situation.

3)   Develop self-awareness

 Develop self-awareness, you will understand your personality in a better way, by knowing how you think, feel and behave

You may have a certain patterns developed over a period of time, or there could be emotional or mood swings. You realize how you behave in certain conditions are stimuli.

Don’t let rejection define you:

Rejection doesn’t necessarily mean that you are worthless, don’t live your life with that tag, its disaster.

Example: You may be rejected by your lover, she/he may have rejected you for reasons which may not be true. They may have limited understanding or wrong perceptions about you.

Your self-worth is not dependent on other’s opinions about you or a single incident.

We are all unique in our own ways and can excel in our areas of expertise, Don’t get influenced by someone's opinions about you.

Don’t have a Victimised mindset;

Feeling victimized by the person or circumstances is a habitual pattern, you will wallow in self-pity.  We should come out of the mindset. Stop blaming others and take responsibility for your actions, brooding never serves the purpose nor does it give the power.

The healthy way is :

1) Stop blaming others

2) Develop self-confidence

3) Accept the reality

4) Be flexible

 

 

“I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.” – Sylvester Stallone