Emotional Resilience

 Long back (maybe 15 years) I watched a motivational video and read an article about a high impact accident and how the survivor reconstructed his life in the face of the worst disaster. Video and the story are etched in my mind so deeply, even after so many years i am able to vividly recall every incident and many times it flashes through my mind.

A family met with an accident and 4 out of five members succumbed to injuries and dies on the spot. The man who survived had around 15 fractures, you  name the bone it was cracked, his spinal cord was badly damaged, the face was completely destroyed, disfigured, it took neurosurgeon, orthopedics and physiotherapist and cosmetic surgeon to reconstruct and repair his damaged body and keep him alive. When he regained his consciousness, doctors explained to him how badly he was hurt and told him that chances of complete recovery are bleak and he may not be able to walk again and he may have to survive in a wheelchair with many imperfections/ handicap. On hearing this he was devastated and emotionally collapsed.

He had lost all hopes and resigned to fate, he was worried about the future life. As he was depressed and given in to despair and not so optimistic, his rehabilitation process was getting very slow and painful. As Divine Wills, one fine day, he hears the inner voice whispering in his head to fight back and conquer the pain and fear, which was the defining moment; he decides to take charge of the life. He resolutely fights with intense emotion and solid WILL power. His routine for the next 6 to 8 months during rehabilitation was excruciatingly painful, and he overcomes all that through his indomitable spirit.

Tears flow down the cheek and you will be swelled with emotion when you watch them struggle and the excruciating pain he goes through in the process of recovery. it almost took 12 to 14 months of struggle to get back to the normal state.

Something strong inside of us that constantly keep reminding about our strength and potential and propel us to move forward from deep despair of hopelessness to hopefulness, and Emotional resilience, a profound character, every person has the inherent potential and the ability to bounce back.  

The above story is one of the rare cases, not all go through intense trauma like this.

However, the challenging times we go through creates a lot of stress and drain our energies, in such a situation, trying to be resilient and to bounce back seems to be an uphill task. We shall see below a few tips to overcome the challenge.

The American Psychological Association defines resilience as, “The process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress – such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors”

There are different attributes to resilience and it varies from person to person and there are many ways to bounce back from adversities. I have picked up  5 major attributes. The above diagram illustrates the attributes of resilience.(courtesy: Google images)

However, there are many more attributes a resilient person exhibits; we will see some of them.

Positive: Change is inevitable, we tend to react to change than accepting and adapting to it, we should stop bemoaning and shun the past glory/ trauma, understand where our talent lies and moves out of self-limiting beliefs.

Locus of control: How you believe yourself can control the outcome. People with Locus of control (Internal) take responsibility for their lives and believe that it’s their action that leads to the outcome. They have strong faith in themselves.

Face your fears:  face your fears and you get more strength, the perspective about the problem changes and you will find a different dimension to life.

Practice spirituality: Faith in spiritual practices, irrespective of the religion keeps you afloat during the times of difficulty, a catalyst to bring change fast, helps to cope up with stress, and pushes you forward to find solutions.

Get Social support: it’s essential to talk to people who have gone through challenging events and get tips from them. Connect socially and interact with more people. Counselor is also helpful psychologically instill confidence and soothes your mind.

The answer lies not only in the development of resilience in its many forms, but in our personal narratives, or the stories we tell ourselves. Each of these concepts has a tremendous impact on the shape our lives take, and what differentiates those who bounce back from those who never fully recover.

Train your mind to be optimistic in tough times

6 ways to become optimistic and lead a successful and healthy life.

 

Human beings are optimistic by nature. It’s a positive trait that holds our faith intact and gives us the inner strength to fight life’s battle, no matter how bad or worse the situation be.

The very word optimism energizes and stokes us with positive emotions, and nudges us with strength and courage to move in the right direction, springs new hope in our heart in anticipation of a bright & better tomorrow, enables you to cast off the negative and naysaying mind prods you to look for an oasis in the desert.

What is Optimism;

Metaphorically optimism is seeing a glass as Half-empty or Half-full. An optimist is a person who focuses on opportunities in adverse situations and will not discount or ignore the obstacles.

Optimism is positive psychology, you will have a positive orientation towards life. We are optimistic about career, relationship, financial well-being..and many more.

We are  hooked to life despite the trouble  because of our positive outlook, we expect the situation to turn around and look  good someday in the future, this is what keeps us going the “optimism”

Let me share interesting stories on optimism

 A big shoe company decided to set up a sales showroom in one of the towns, so they sent two marketing experts to find out the potential and set up the unit.

After a few days of marketing research one of the experts concluded by saying “ Don’t waste time, nobody wears the shoes in this town”

Another expert not aware of the first, one’s  findings write a mail to the company “ Congrats, please send the material fast, we have a huge potential as no one wears shoes in this town”

Same people different views,  one is pessimistic and another is optimistic, and the latter sees an opportunity in every situation and looks for a positive outcome.

Just on the humor side of optimism…..Two friends went to a barbershop, one had hair and another was bald except for a few strands of hair. ……On seeing the bald guy the barber was puzzled, asked how could he help…the bald friend asked the barber to colour his hair…….. he was optimistic he would look good!

Carl Lewis…called dearly by Americans as Carl the King….a great athlete, a dominant sprinter, and a long jumper won 9 Olympic gold medals, one silver Olympic medals, and 10 world championship medals. He is known for his tenacity, courage, and strength…he had to face many challenges including severe injuries that had crippled him, but. optimistic nature kept him going and he achieved an unparalleled feat, which would be remembered for generations to come.

 

Why optimism is important;

 By being optimistic you can improve your physical and psychological well-being, Surprisingly many diseases are cured by being optimistic and not letting the negativity take over.

 You feel rejuvenated and energized, and active, you remain emotionally stable and grounded in reality.

History is replete with people who by sheer optimism and determination achieved unimaginable success and glory. It may be winning a war or building an empire, It could be a  scientific invention, or bringing social changes.

All these people struggled hard and faced terrible situations, but they had one thing in common, they were optimistic and undeterred by the hardship. They were self-motivated worked relentlessly in anticipation of their endeavor coming to fruition.

What constitutes optimism:

Optimism is a trait, all of us have to some degree. When placed in a certain bad situation, we don’t get deterred, we face boldly and beam a positive outlook and think of it as a temporary setback.

 Some people succumb to pressure and become a pessimist and start brooding If the period of uncertainty stretches a little longer time. They don't have the mental strength and courage to endure and move forward.

What amazes is the tenacity and the courage of optimistic folks, despite having to put up with the prolonged period of uncertainty. There are a few strong individuals who fight the battle till the end, they don’t succumb to temporary pressures and accept defeat. They are profound in their thought process and they are aware of every pitfall and don’t get discouraged even in the worst-case scenario.

 

Optimistic VS Realistic.

It’s good to be optimistic, but we need to be aware of the reality also. Due to over-optimism, we tend to ignore reality. 24/7 you can’t be seeing the rainbows, there are dark clouds and showers. We must be prepared and be aware of the unfavorable situations which can contribute to defeating the purpose.

Ex: in gambling people keep increasing the stakes in anticipating a win even when they are losing continuously.. you must know when to accept reality and learn to pull yourself out. Very rarely people make money in gambling unless you are a manipulator.

Ex:  You have to be realistic in business, understanding business nuances in the face of reality gives you an edge over others and propel to accelerate growth. Being optimistic serves to stay in the middle of tough competition.

You must know when to invest and when to stop and should you bootstrap or go to venture capitalist.

 Optimism brings resilience;

Optimism leads to resilience, it gives the inner strength to bounce back from trauma ( emotional or physical) and gain normalcy. Resilient people are optimistic from the core, the very essence is drawn from this trait or attribute. 

Ex: People who have met with an accident with multiple injuries can bounce back solely because of an optimistic outlook and resilient nature.

  It is not easy to be optimistic in the midst of negativities and adverse situations. One needs to have a good determination, a positive frame of mind, and trust. Being optimistic gives you an immense benefit, we shall discuss in the latter part.

Why are we not optimistic;

There are many reasons for not being optimistic. The below points for me seems a major contributing factor.

1. It may be due to bad past experiences and repeated failures.

2.  It may be in belief systems

3. Lack of self-confidence

4. Being in the company of pessimists, you get rubbed on with the same energy.

5. Depression and other organic causes.

 

  
How to be optimistic;

Optimism is an essential trait that makes you successful. According to a few studies, it’s the gateway to health and a socially fulfilling life.

Psychologists have recommended many methods to develop the attribute of Optimism. I have taken a few points below, it is also my experience if followed faithfully impacts life positively.

      1. Don’t let the past failures to bog you down;

When the past failures stalk you, don’t fret and fume, please be calm and analyze the situation and find the cause for failures. When you know the Why’s the How becomes easy and the opportunity emerges from the shadows. Be tenacious in your search for Why’s …..after that everything falls in place.

“When life hands you lemons, make lemonade”

2.  Reflect;

It’s time to take stock of your behavior, go deep inside to reflect. By doing so, you will come to know your flaws and help you to take corrective action. Reflect on the lessons learned from failures and the opportunities presented to you.

 

       3. Be with positive people;

Surround yourself with positive thinking people, you will get that energy and motivation.

     

       4. Believe;

Believe in your potential and believe that anything can change, nothing is permanent and everything is subject to change……When you believe your potential expands and you are set to achieve the impossible. Also, change your belief system from lackness to abundance.

 

     5. Focus;

Stay focused on your goals and never take your eyes off, whatever may be the circumstances. Intense focus allows you to gain the confidence to resolve any issues or problems. Naturally, you become optimistic

 

     6. Be accountable;

Take charge of your life and never be a victim of circumstances. Never find excuses or blame others for the failures.

 

Friends….. Life is not easy, don’t expect it to be easy, the very way life designed is to go through these moments of imperfections and learning from it.

 Adversities are part of life, some people have to endure for a longer period.….it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to be struggling, it’s ok to feel bad and crib…it’s ok to tell your friends that you have failed……but it’s not ok to give up and stop trying… you never know tomorrow can be a turning point and your life can flip for the better.

Nothing is easy in life…There is always a struggle, be optimistic everything will change for the better.

Failure: a new perspective……….

Failure is a stepping stone to success, winning streaks comes from failure… statement or fact? We only know success begets success and failure leads to depression and loss of confidence this is what we’re taught since younger days. We we’re taught to eulogize success and scorn failure. When we fail, we feel everything is lost and we can never bounce back again. We feel we are finished for good. Psychologically it uproots our belief system and makes us lose faith in ourselves. We have been conditioned to think like that by our society and also at home. However, failure is not an end, it’s just a bend.

Today’s generations are restless to achieve success. They constantly chase success, by hook or by crook want to achieve.  Yes, to stay in the rat race and climb social ladder, success is important. However, in the hurry to achieve success in the face of mindless competition, many times they resort to short circuiting the value systems. The success one achieves through such means are temporary, not long lasting and soul satisfying.

 Whereas, failures teach you immense lessons and give a different perspective on the problem of life. As the saying goes “an empty stomach teaches more lessons than all the universities”. It's also true with failure provided you accept and look at it as a lesson. You may rest assured you will emerge successful in the future attempts.

Failure could be plinth on which you could build your edifice of success if you have learnt the lesson of embracing failure as part and parcel of success.

Failure is not the end of the road, it just gives a different perspective, provided if you look at it from a rational point of view and not succumb to play of emotions. No significant success worth mentioning has been achieved without failed attempts or repeated failures and history mirror's many examples.

Thomas Alva Edison has failed several times before he could discover the right material, tungsten….he illuminated the whole world through incandescent light bulbs….a lasting success.

Sepoy Mutiny against British rule in 1857 was a failed attempt, but it gave sufficient insight, courage and created a solid platform for freedom fighters to organize the future freedom struggle in a better way. After several failed attempts...we got independence.

Success of Mangalyaan is a shining example of success built on previous failures, ISRO partially failed on chandrayaan -1 mission, but the project team did not succumb to the avalanche of negativity heaped on them. They learnt immense lessons; through frugal and innovative engineering with precision timings made the MOM project a grand success and the whole world looked at India as champion of space programs.

Walt Disney was fired by his employer; he was told he lacks imagination and creativity. How he used this to his advantage and became world famous, it's there for all of us to see……. rest is history.

Most of us do not risk doing new things because of fear of failure and associated social stigma. Psychologically we are conditioned to think that it’s shameful to fail and failure means end of the road.

Failure strips you of your pride. Pride is a pseudo feeling that feeds on our ego. We feel hurt since ego has no fodder to feed on. Look at it dispassionately and analyze what causes you to feel so, you will get an answer. Failure has inherent lessons and it teaches you to be humble and gives you a better understanding of other side of life.

 Here are some random thoughts to overcome the burden of failure and step into the shoes of success.

❖     Each failure is a chance to grow better and wiser.

❖    Remember great achievers have failed several times before success embraced them.

❖     Your motto is to  be resilient and you must find ways to identify reasons and rectify  the issues   to bounce back.

❖     Do not hold on to the pain for long, don't succumb to play of emotions, do some reality check. Go to the root cause of failure and address it (many tools available for root cause analysis).

❖     Relook at the goals; many times we do not set the realistic achievable goals.

❖     Think of changing the approach….

❖     Have positive affirmation and never keep ruminating about your failures.

  “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts”…..Winstun churchil

Passion key to success

Passion key to success

Often we hear our teachers and lecturers saying “pursue your passion to be successful”, and anything you do in life without passion, you may not succeed and excel. The reason is very simple: passion drives us to put our heart and soul into what we do, and the outcome will be an amazing result.

History is replete with examples of passionate people who contributed immensely to science and technology, art, humanity and society at large, and reaching the pinnacle of success. One such example comes to mind is Steve Jobs, (it is cliché ) founder of Apple, his passion to create excellent products without any flaws is un-parallel. There were and are many such people who are passionate with what they do and continue to contribute and excel in their field of activity.

These guys have only one aim, to give the best and work with full zeal and enthu. They don’t need any external motivation and they are propelled by their own passion to contribute and excel in the chosen field. 

Whether you are considering starting a business or building a career, you need to have passion along with skills to succeed. You may have developed good competencies required for the job, without passion, success will remain a mirage.

Many are fortunate to have identified their passion early in life, but majority struggle to find passion and remain mediocre for the rest of life. We find a number of examples in corporate jobs. According to a survey 80% of the people are not happy with the job, and they are highly demotivated and  not engaged, job is dull and drab for them, they have no enthu to come to office, they drag their feet to work. The reason for not being able to pursue passion is the financial compulsions (in most of the cases), if they are able to navigate the financial hurdles and find a way to pursue the passion, they can excel. Companies run employee engagement programs, just to get the employees grounded and develop emotional connect, unfortunately they fail   because of wrong understanding and strict timelines and pressure to deliver, success rate is less than 10%

Passionate people are successful since the purpose of their life is driven by passion, they show immense interest in work and are resilient when faced with obstacles, they have positive outlook and are not worried about any kinds of rewards monetary or otherwise. They are able to overcome difficulty through problem solving skills and are highly analytical.

Different people have different passions, someone may be interested in sports, somebody in arts, music, research and development and many more…..

Have you found your passion? Or are you still struggling?

70% of the people don't find their passion for life, they struggle and keep complaining. Fortunate 15% find it early in life and they become achievers, 15% find it in the later stage of life. 

Why do 70% of people fail to recognize and follow passion? 

Popular misconception is, people think that passion is inherited or it just comes like that, but the  reality is: passion has to be developed and you have to work on it consciously, if you are not interested in what you are doing, go for new pursuits and see if your interest matches.

Recently read an article in Harvard business review, author makes an interesting and an insightful suggestions that “Focus on what you care for than what you love”, the subtle distinction is, when you focus on what you love, you enjoy working and it makes you happy, but, if you focus on what you care about, you align your values with passion and it will have a great impact on what you want as outcome.

Some guys stay in their comfort zone and they kind of “don't rock my boat”, and they languish in the same position for years and years and complain eternally and do not enjoy the work.

 Ask yourself, what would you do if you have sufficient money in the bank, something you always wanted to do, as a child may be you were interested in automobiles, or wanted to become singer...you search for an answer and you will get it.

Life will be dull and drab without a passion. You are the author of your life, do not settle for less, develop passion, it makes you do amazing things in life.

While pursuing passion, you may tumble down many times by failure and obstacle, don't lose heart, it's worth a try and will spiral you up to the next orbit.

Nothing worthwhile or significant can be achieved without passion…..

You can write to me, if you have any doubts or would like to discuss nuances of passion. I will be more than happy to connect and discuss