Failure: a new perspective……….

Failure is a stepping stone to success, winning streaks comes from failure… statement or fact? We only know success begets success and failure leads to depression and loss of confidence this is what we’re taught since younger days. We we’re taught to eulogize success and scorn failure. When we fail, we feel everything is lost and we can never bounce back again. We feel we are finished for good. Psychologically it uproots our belief system and makes us lose faith in ourselves. We have been conditioned to think like that by our society and also at home. However, failure is not an end, it’s just a bend.

Today’s generations are restless to achieve success. They constantly chase success, by hook or by crook want to achieve.  Yes, to stay in the rat race and climb social ladder, success is important. However, in the hurry to achieve success in the face of mindless competition, many times they resort to short circuiting the value systems. The success one achieves through such means are temporary, not long lasting and soul satisfying.

 Whereas, failures teach you immense lessons and give a different perspective on the problem of life. As the saying goes “an empty stomach teaches more lessons than all the universities”. It's also true with failure provided you accept and look at it as a lesson. You may rest assured you will emerge successful in the future attempts.

Failure could be plinth on which you could build your edifice of success if you have learnt the lesson of embracing failure as part and parcel of success.

Failure is not the end of the road, it just gives a different perspective, provided if you look at it from a rational point of view and not succumb to play of emotions. No significant success worth mentioning has been achieved without failed attempts or repeated failures and history mirror's many examples.

Thomas Alva Edison has failed several times before he could discover the right material, tungsten….he illuminated the whole world through incandescent light bulbs….a lasting success.

Sepoy Mutiny against British rule in 1857 was a failed attempt, but it gave sufficient insight, courage and created a solid platform for freedom fighters to organize the future freedom struggle in a better way. After several failed attempts...we got independence.

Success of Mangalyaan is a shining example of success built on previous failures, ISRO partially failed on chandrayaan -1 mission, but the project team did not succumb to the avalanche of negativity heaped on them. They learnt immense lessons; through frugal and innovative engineering with precision timings made the MOM project a grand success and the whole world looked at India as champion of space programs.

Walt Disney was fired by his employer; he was told he lacks imagination and creativity. How he used this to his advantage and became world famous, it's there for all of us to see……. rest is history.

Most of us do not risk doing new things because of fear of failure and associated social stigma. Psychologically we are conditioned to think that it’s shameful to fail and failure means end of the road.

Failure strips you of your pride. Pride is a pseudo feeling that feeds on our ego. We feel hurt since ego has no fodder to feed on. Look at it dispassionately and analyze what causes you to feel so, you will get an answer. Failure has inherent lessons and it teaches you to be humble and gives you a better understanding of other side of life.

 Here are some random thoughts to overcome the burden of failure and step into the shoes of success.

❖     Each failure is a chance to grow better and wiser.

❖    Remember great achievers have failed several times before success embraced them.

❖     Your motto is to  be resilient and you must find ways to identify reasons and rectify  the issues   to bounce back.

❖     Do not hold on to the pain for long, don't succumb to play of emotions, do some reality check. Go to the root cause of failure and address it (many tools available for root cause analysis).

❖     Relook at the goals; many times we do not set the realistic achievable goals.

❖     Think of changing the approach….

❖     Have positive affirmation and never keep ruminating about your failures.

  “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts”…..Winstun churchil

7 Practical ways to over come Indecisiveness

 

7 easy ways to deal with Indecisiveness and lead a successful life

                                              

               

 

Should i order masala dosa or plain dosa…shall i go to my office by bike or car, should i wear salwar or saree… can i talk to her or not …..we juggle between the choices and remain indecisive.

I am reminded of Shakespeare’s Hamlet “the indecisive protagonist” who wavers between two extremes “To be or not to be” The dilemma and the emotional trauma he goes through to make a decision represents our sufferings in day to day life.

Definition of Indecisiveness;

Indecisiveness is defined as being in a state of confusion or dilemma to take the right decision. The situation is like sitting on the fence; don’t know which side to jump.

How indecisiveness is formed;

Being indecisive is common, often in life, we go through this phase. Some are mundane ( like what to eat for dinner and should we watch the movie…) and a few are serious. ( Like choosing the carrier, marriage….building business) When we are faced with an ambiguous situation we tend to become indecisive.

The  habit of indecisiveness is well entrenched from young days in our minds. For kids, parents make the decision and when they grow up and become adolescents, many of them remain indecisive because of too many choices and lack of knowledge to differentiate.

This habit continues to hog them even as adults and for some a whole lifetime, they are habituated not taking decisions owing to overprotective parents, sloppy nature, or previous bad experience of a decision gone wrong. They remain fearful and always live in dilemma.

They get stressed up even to make the simplest decision like selecting a menu or wearing a dress for a special occasion. Some people can't even decide what they want for dinner.

How indecisiveness affects life;

It saddens, to see people remain indecisive even in the face of threat. I remember a story from a real incident.

It was a bad marriage and her husband was abusive, every day she was harassed and tortured.

He used to beat her and hurt her badly for no reason. She silently suffered harassments thinking it as her fate and did not confide with anyone, including her parents and her best friend.

This went on for some time and reached a point where she couldn't take it anymore. She cried silently and asked  God “ Why me”   What have I done…but got no answer.

After some time she conceived and delivered a baby girl. This triggered her inlaw's anger that she gave birth to a girl child, and the whole gang began to torture her.

As she was fed up with life, and one fine day she disclosed everything to her close friend. Her friend advised her to move out of the marriage and lead a peaceful life. The lady was reluctant to sever the marriage tie because she thought it was against our tradition an act of sin and she would be cursed by GOD.

It was a herculean task to convince her to move out of the marriage and start life afresh. At last, she made the decision and moved out of the marriage.

 

The moral:  Unless we come out of our wrong beliefs and understand what is right or wrong, we remain indecisive and face great harassment and torture.

Why are we indecisive;

People get stressed and remain indecisive for several reasons and it is a direct consequence of their upbringing, the faith they hold, the fear they face, the  confidence they lack, the self-esteem they need, and the lack of freedom from the past they struggle against.

All of us have grappled with the problem of Indecisiveness, you need to identify and take the corrective action..that differentiates who you are. We keep encountering many such problems in life…. The wise dig for the reasons and work out solutions.

Indecisiveness is not a pathological condition ( extreme cases) more dependent on upbringing and the experience in life. Let's see the reason  why it is hard for us to decide .

 7 common reasons for indecisiveness and the tips to overcome;

1) Lack of information: People may need more information before they decide. Some guys are impulsive and decide spontaneously, but the thoughtful, they need proper data and thorough information.

 

 2) Over-analyzing:  Some people spend too much time thinking and get into a logical spiral of “if’s and but’s” and end up over-analyzing, This leads to confusion and hence finds it difficult to decide.

 Excess of analysis leads to paralysis. You are always in hypothetical mode and think of the worst-case scenario. You are more worried about the future than the current situation.

 Sometimes, by over-analyzing a simple situation, we turn that into a complicated and a nightmare one.

 Ex: Boss or one of your colleagues had forgotten to interact with you, maybe he had a bad day. But we start overanalyzing and start mental diarrheas of nonsense thoughts crossing our minds and creates more anxiety.

 It is very important to move forward than getting stagnated and rot in the same position because of your over-analyzing tendency.

 

  3) Your upbringing: Overprotective and critical parents are the major cause of kids' indecisiveness.  They keep telling “ you don’t know”  “you are not a grown-up”  all these things add to the problem and bring down self-confidence.

 

When kids are empowered to decide on their own, by giving choices, what they want to wear and eat, this builds confidence in them. Later in life, it helps them decide fast. Parents and teachers play a big role in this.

 

 4) Fear of failure;  Fear of failure renders you indecisive, it may be due to some bad experience in the past and your experimenting could have gone wrong.

 Way out: You have to change your perspective. It is imperative that not all decisions go 100% right and you are not a fortune-teller. After all, life is all about the decision,  whether good or bad.

In business, you need to take a calculated risk and decide on the course of action...It may be an investment, a new partnership, technology adaptation, or  introduction of a new line of products ..many more.

   5) Conscious of others' opinion:  Never decide to please someone. You need to decide what is right for you and in the long term how it will benefit you.

While selecting the career you have to decide based on your competencies and potential to grow, not to please anyone. Also, it is prudent to have information about the scope of the job & the growth prospects. This info gives you a fair idea and enables your decision.

  6)  Lack of confidence in oneself: lack of confidence in making the decision is due to a lack of knowledge and skills. Some take it casually and think it as easy as flipping a coin and leave it for the chance. There are crucial decisions to be made carefully with all the right inputs in place.

However many talented people have faced a lack of confidence and bounced back with the right knowledge and skill. 

7) Procrastination;  This can be due to lack of information and knowledge. Many times we also procrastinate in anticipation of better things to come. However, if you stay in a prolonged period of indecisiveness due procrastination it will affect your growth and performance.

People are bad at managing time and often end up piling more work than they could do. 

You can overcome by scheduling them in an organized manner, work on the difficult task first, and pick the easy and gratifying part later.

 Press the throttle and start, you can’t expect to be perfect from the word GO…imperfection leads to perfection…take one step, it doesn’t matter how small it is,  but deciding to move from the status quo is very important

To conclude;

Indecisiveness is a common problem and we face in every stage of life, even the most talented people have faced it. Indecision truly holds back your potential, don’t sulk in doubt move forward with all knowledge and decide. Life awaits for those who are brave

  

“A person’s greatest limitations are not genetic, but imposed by self-doubt, insecurities, indecision, and timidity---Kilroy J .Oldster