Habit…. a bit…….it…..rain success

 5 am, the alarm starts ringing loudly...……. hand from the bed creeps out and bangs the snooze button; again he falls asleep………….every day the same habit continues.

Oh God!!! how many times should I tell you not to carry newspaper to wash room….yells his wife…..mummy,  daddy takes  newspaper to read it  in the toilet (on commode), else he will constipate, chuckles his son and runs to get his school bag.

Son bites his nail while watching TV, mother rebukes him, spanks gently on his knuckles and yells…….it’s a BAD HABIT. 

He smokes a lot of cigarettes; he is a chain smoker…. She frowns upon him and shouts it’s a BAD HABIT.

This guy reads at least an hour before he goes to bed…….GOOD HABIT.

Old man donates money to poor people for education……NICE HABIT.

She never gossips, empathizes with everyone, and insists that we should understand the situation before we form an opinion…very GOOD HABIT

All of us have formed habits, may be good or bad, each habit has its own effect on behavior and action.

 “Any act preformed repetitively over a sustained period of time” becomes a habit.

HABIT has been powerfully explained below.

Remove H….A BIT will remain…..remove A…..BIT will remain…..remove B…..IT will remain.

Good habits propel you to move forward in life and the bad habits pull you down and stagnates you. Cultivating good habits is the most important thing in life.

 “Everything that you are today, and everything you will ever accomplish, is determined by quality of the habit that you have”---Brain Tracy

Children need to develop good habits from early on. Couple of examples come to my mind ..... we have been witnessing traffic violations, and other unlawful activities, like signal jumping, footpath driving, over speeding etc…. If these kids are educated from early on, and taught a sense of what's right and what's wrong, they're likely to form right habits and become law abiding citizens. In some countries, it is a part of curriculum, to educate kids on habit of obeying rules, and to make a visual impact, a video is played and shown how violating rules can cause problems to oneself and others.

We have seen, some guys struggle to develop good habits, whereas, others effortlessly do it and succeed in life. Reason could be, not being self-disciplined, lack of motivation, lack of commitment, lack of a clear goal, complacency, lack of consistency and a habit of procrastination and giving in to endless distraction and not making the most of our time.

Seldom do we make effort towards developing a habit, till we're jolted down by some incidence.

It is true that tons of books, articles and information are available on cultivating good habits, but we skim through the information and rarely internalize the concept.

Cultivating and internalizing the right habits will become easy and effortless, if we follow and implement the points given below in the right spirit.

1. Set your intentions:

It has the power to change your life. Intention is a focus on what you want to experience in the future and it enables you to carve a path to achieve the desired result. 

You need to fortify your intention by,

a.       Writing  your intentions

b.      Create images of your intentions.

c.       Look for thoughts, feelings and experiences that support the intentions.

d.      Each day contemplate on your intentions.

             Once you set your intentions firmly, rest becomes easy.

2. Discipline:  At the heart of success is self-discipline

It's a bridge between the goal and accomplishment.  Do small things on a daily basis to move ahead, never stop or give up…Initially you may find it a bit hard but with self-discipline  you can achieve the impossible.

Ex: Sports personalities, through self-discipline are able to achieve success. (Sachin Tendulkar, Tiger woods……..). 

”Success by inches is a cinch, by yards too hard”

Disciplined approach slowly inch you towards your goal.

3. Focus on Routine than Reward:

            Example:   if you have decided to lose 20 kilos in three months.

             You have to focus on the routine which is very critical to get to your reward. i.e…….get up                early in the morning, regularly hit the gym and do grinding exercises and follow proper diet.

4. Be Patient and persistent :

One tends to get distracted for various reasons, like inertia, change in priorities and procrastination. Adhering to the routine and practicing it with tenacity is important.

21 days of continuous practice has psychological implications, our brain registers the activity and it becomes a habit. Next continuous practice for 90 days seems to have a lasting impression and it gets embedded with your routine and you unconsciously start practicing with ease.

Note:  Forming good habits in all walks of life makes life like a breeze.

If you want to discuss/ understand more on habits, please mail me, I will be very happy to answer all queries.

7 Practical ways to over come Indecisiveness

 

7 easy ways to deal with Indecisiveness and lead a successful life

                                              

               

 

Should i order masala dosa or plain dosa…shall i go to my office by bike or car, should i wear salwar or saree… can i talk to her or not …..we juggle between the choices and remain indecisive.

I am reminded of Shakespeare’s Hamlet “the indecisive protagonist” who wavers between two extremes “To be or not to be” The dilemma and the emotional trauma he goes through to make a decision represents our sufferings in day to day life.

Definition of Indecisiveness;

Indecisiveness is defined as being in a state of confusion or dilemma to take the right decision. The situation is like sitting on the fence; don’t know which side to jump.

How indecisiveness is formed;

Being indecisive is common, often in life, we go through this phase. Some are mundane ( like what to eat for dinner and should we watch the movie…) and a few are serious. ( Like choosing the carrier, marriage….building business) When we are faced with an ambiguous situation we tend to become indecisive.

The  habit of indecisiveness is well entrenched from young days in our minds. For kids, parents make the decision and when they grow up and become adolescents, many of them remain indecisive because of too many choices and lack of knowledge to differentiate.

This habit continues to hog them even as adults and for some a whole lifetime, they are habituated not taking decisions owing to overprotective parents, sloppy nature, or previous bad experience of a decision gone wrong. They remain fearful and always live in dilemma.

They get stressed up even to make the simplest decision like selecting a menu or wearing a dress for a special occasion. Some people can't even decide what they want for dinner.

How indecisiveness affects life;

It saddens, to see people remain indecisive even in the face of threat. I remember a story from a real incident.

It was a bad marriage and her husband was abusive, every day she was harassed and tortured.

He used to beat her and hurt her badly for no reason. She silently suffered harassments thinking it as her fate and did not confide with anyone, including her parents and her best friend.

This went on for some time and reached a point where she couldn't take it anymore. She cried silently and asked  God “ Why me”   What have I done…but got no answer.

After some time she conceived and delivered a baby girl. This triggered her inlaw's anger that she gave birth to a girl child, and the whole gang began to torture her.

As she was fed up with life, and one fine day she disclosed everything to her close friend. Her friend advised her to move out of the marriage and lead a peaceful life. The lady was reluctant to sever the marriage tie because she thought it was against our tradition an act of sin and she would be cursed by GOD.

It was a herculean task to convince her to move out of the marriage and start life afresh. At last, she made the decision and moved out of the marriage.

 

The moral:  Unless we come out of our wrong beliefs and understand what is right or wrong, we remain indecisive and face great harassment and torture.

Why are we indecisive;

People get stressed and remain indecisive for several reasons and it is a direct consequence of their upbringing, the faith they hold, the fear they face, the  confidence they lack, the self-esteem they need, and the lack of freedom from the past they struggle against.

All of us have grappled with the problem of Indecisiveness, you need to identify and take the corrective action..that differentiates who you are. We keep encountering many such problems in life…. The wise dig for the reasons and work out solutions.

Indecisiveness is not a pathological condition ( extreme cases) more dependent on upbringing and the experience in life. Let's see the reason  why it is hard for us to decide .

 7 common reasons for indecisiveness and the tips to overcome;

1) Lack of information: People may need more information before they decide. Some guys are impulsive and decide spontaneously, but the thoughtful, they need proper data and thorough information.

 

 2) Over-analyzing:  Some people spend too much time thinking and get into a logical spiral of “if’s and but’s” and end up over-analyzing, This leads to confusion and hence finds it difficult to decide.

 Excess of analysis leads to paralysis. You are always in hypothetical mode and think of the worst-case scenario. You are more worried about the future than the current situation.

 Sometimes, by over-analyzing a simple situation, we turn that into a complicated and a nightmare one.

 Ex: Boss or one of your colleagues had forgotten to interact with you, maybe he had a bad day. But we start overanalyzing and start mental diarrheas of nonsense thoughts crossing our minds and creates more anxiety.

 It is very important to move forward than getting stagnated and rot in the same position because of your over-analyzing tendency.

 

  3) Your upbringing: Overprotective and critical parents are the major cause of kids' indecisiveness.  They keep telling “ you don’t know”  “you are not a grown-up”  all these things add to the problem and bring down self-confidence.

 

When kids are empowered to decide on their own, by giving choices, what they want to wear and eat, this builds confidence in them. Later in life, it helps them decide fast. Parents and teachers play a big role in this.

 

 4) Fear of failure;  Fear of failure renders you indecisive, it may be due to some bad experience in the past and your experimenting could have gone wrong.

 Way out: You have to change your perspective. It is imperative that not all decisions go 100% right and you are not a fortune-teller. After all, life is all about the decision,  whether good or bad.

In business, you need to take a calculated risk and decide on the course of action...It may be an investment, a new partnership, technology adaptation, or  introduction of a new line of products ..many more.

   5) Conscious of others' opinion:  Never decide to please someone. You need to decide what is right for you and in the long term how it will benefit you.

While selecting the career you have to decide based on your competencies and potential to grow, not to please anyone. Also, it is prudent to have information about the scope of the job & the growth prospects. This info gives you a fair idea and enables your decision.

  6)  Lack of confidence in oneself: lack of confidence in making the decision is due to a lack of knowledge and skills. Some take it casually and think it as easy as flipping a coin and leave it for the chance. There are crucial decisions to be made carefully with all the right inputs in place.

However many talented people have faced a lack of confidence and bounced back with the right knowledge and skill. 

7) Procrastination;  This can be due to lack of information and knowledge. Many times we also procrastinate in anticipation of better things to come. However, if you stay in a prolonged period of indecisiveness due procrastination it will affect your growth and performance.

People are bad at managing time and often end up piling more work than they could do. 

You can overcome by scheduling them in an organized manner, work on the difficult task first, and pick the easy and gratifying part later.

 Press the throttle and start, you can’t expect to be perfect from the word GO…imperfection leads to perfection…take one step, it doesn’t matter how small it is,  but deciding to move from the status quo is very important

To conclude;

Indecisiveness is a common problem and we face in every stage of life, even the most talented people have faced it. Indecision truly holds back your potential, don’t sulk in doubt move forward with all knowledge and decide. Life awaits for those who are brave

  

“A person’s greatest limitations are not genetic, but imposed by self-doubt, insecurities, indecision, and timidity---Kilroy J .Oldster

 

5 Tips to come out of inferiority complex

Self-help guide to deal with inferiority complex;  A mindful process 

Opposite to my house, there is a playground, after school hours kids come and play there till 6.30 pm or 7 pm. They have lots of fun and enjoy it thoroughly.  It is nice to watch kids playing, they play with full energy; They giggle, they shout, they fight, and reconcile quickly, laugh, and roll on the ground. It is so refreshing to watch them in action!!  I love to join and have fun with the kids whenever I find the time or happened to pass through the ground.

Shyam is a 5^th  standard boy and he comes to the ground every day but never participates in any of the games. He sits in the corner and keeps looking at the other kids and never utters a word to anybody. At sharp 6.30 pm, he rushes back home. He looks fragile, hesitant, and timid.

Out of curiosity, I  observed   Shyam ( very cute kid)  for a couple of days and I asked his friends, “why is he not joining you guys” or “are you guys bullying him? not allowing him to play with you” ( Kids politics).

 Kids told me “no….. no …no… we invited him several times but refuse to talk to us and doesn't want to play”.

One day I stopped Shyam and asked him, why he is not playing with his friends. Asked him if anybody is bullying you? Teasing you?  Asked many questions……., but he never looked at my face and with his head down he muttered something in a stammering voice and ran off.

Later I found out, he has an inferiority complex due to his stammering problem and he avoids mingling with friends and relatives since they tease and mock him for not being able to speak normally. Even in school, teachers and classmates make fun of him.

He sits quietly never mingles nor talks to anyone in the school. He scores well in academics, never socializes, shies away, and wouldn't open up easily.

Kids are very sensitive and emotionally fragile, they develop an inferiority complex very fast. They are vulnerable and shy, even a small incident can trigger a feeling of unworthiness.

Inferiority complex is set of belief we hold about us, where we value ourselves less in comparison with the other person.

Consciously or unconsciously we have the habit of comparing ourselves with others and feel low self-esteem for not measuring up to their standards. In the process, psychologically we amplify our weakness and regret than focusing on the strengths.

Why do people develop the Inferiority Complex?

1. Highly critical parents admonishing the kids and saying  “you are stupid”   “you can’t do,  “ you are waste” etc induce the kids to  internalize these affirmations which they’re likely to carry for the rest of lives.

 This gets lodged in the psyche and they become timid and introverts and most of them shirk responsibilities.

 2.  Poverty is a strong reason for kids to develop low self-esteem, withdraw from society, and remain aloof.

 3.    3. Childhood abuses, bullying by friends constant reminders about the limitations and comparison with others.

        4. Stress at school to get the grade, and comparison with other students by teachers creates fear in the kids for           being  "looked down upon”.

        5.  Physical conditions: Stammering, skin colour, being thin or fat, and physical challenges push them to the pit of inferiority complex.

All of us have indeed gone through the bout of inferiority complex at some point in life followed by an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy and social withdrawal.

Adults are a little less complex, they develop an inferiority complex when they can’t reach their goal, it may be financial or career-related..etc

Family issues are a  major cause; an unsupportive spouse, nagging by in-laws, wayward kids, stressful siblings, financial constraints, etc can push you towards inferiority complex.

Dumping by loved one’s and repeatedly going through troubled relationships are the other likely triggers.

Signs of Inferiority complex:

1. Lack of confidence.

2.Staying aloof.

3.Feeling of worthless

4.Anxiety, Jealousy 

5.Always critical about others

6.Negative thinking.

7 Sometimes you strive heavily to compensate and over strain yourself.

 How to overcome Inferiority complex: Few pointers

Inferiority complex if left unattended or adequate care is not given to treat, it will have a deep impact on one’s personality development. They struggle with inadequacy feeling in the later stages of life or sometimes they carry the feeling throughout life and they become a puzzle to themselves and as well for others.

Let’s look at it holistically. To overcome the problem we have to have a 360-degree approach; which includes a good support system from parents, teachers, and friends, and the WILL of the person.

As parents, they need to be cautious and stop being critical. Understand no two individuals are born with the same ability and they are unique in their potential. A child may not have the ability in one field, but he can certainly score a brownie point in some other area.

We should not focus on  the weaknesses, instead,  focus on strengths and make him aware of them while subtly reminding him to correct the areas of inadequacy.

Mukesh Ambani once said” our father trained us to focus on the target not on the obstacles”

Focusing on obstacles would mean focusing on our weaknesses.

Physical challenges may cripple a person for a lifetime, we should support him and make him concentrate on the other healthy faculties of his body.

Following 5 tips helps to overcome the problems

   1.     We are all inferior in some ways.

 

Ø  The basic funda;  Everyone is inferior to someone in some ways.

Ø  Contrary; everyone is superior to someone in some ways

Ø  No one is complete, everyone has flaws.

Ø  Don’t become self-conscious about your flaws and magnify them.

Ø  Everyone is a combination of positive attributes and flaws.

 

2.    2.  Do root cause analysis:

Dive deep in it to root of the problem to find the solution. Surprisingly, the study reveals that more than 60% of the time inferiority complex due to prejudices. Less than 40%  have a genuine cause. Unfortunately, we don’t take corrective action but just gloss over the problem, thereby creating a more complex situation.

             Reflect on why you feel inferior.

Ø  Is it childhood trauma.

Ø  You feel inferior to smart people

Ø  You feel inferior to people who have more money

Ø  Do you feel inferior in front of successful people?

Start writing down all the points and zero down on the cause, and you weigh the cause( flaws) against your strengths. I bet It is going to be a moment of epiphany.

3.     3. Stop comparing with others;

Consciously or unconsciously we try to compare ourselves with someone whom  society considers as good, but  when we are unable to meet the expectations we start feeling inferior. Follow simple rules 

Ø  You take them as role models

Ø  Look for the right attributes

Ø  Do not imitate

Ø  Inculcate the attributes

 

4.     4. Build Self Confidence:

Self-Confidence is the key to get over the problem. Developing self-confidence requires you to think positively and not to compare with others. However, try to become a better version of yourself. Work to create success milestones for building self-confidence. Develop the metrics to measure your self-confidence and strive towards achieving it. This requires a lot of patience and discipline.

 Example: You lack confidence in speaking to a group of people. You have the skill but lack confidence due to the inferiority complex you’ve developed for some reason.

The first steps in building Self-Confidence are;

Ø  Believe you can do.

Ø  Observe how people talk; body language, accent, communication level

Ø  Identify what you lack.

 

Action Points:

Ø  Talk to a few individuals and improve your confidence level.

Ø  Check your communication skill and clarity

Ø  Slowly address little larger gathering ( 3 to 4 people)

Ø  Check  your progress ( version-2)

Ø  Keep repeating it for the next 21 days. You’ll find amazing results.

                Similarly, you can work on other problem areas.

 

5.   5.  Sub-conscious programming and Hypnotherapy:

In chronic cases,  when the person is stuck in an emotional trauma feeling low and depressed. When well-being and overall development is at stake, in such cases, sub-conscious mind programming and Hypnotherapy helps to overcome the problem. You have to take the professional's help.

 Subconscious mind reprogramming is very effective to boost self-confidence and transition to a strong personality.

Life is a journey from imperfection to perfection, the roads are bumpy and full of  impediment, don’t sulk, move on with tenacity and embrace the life of confidence, success, and serenity                       

Change

Recently, I met a friend of mine in one of our family functions. He was looking happy, a smile on his face, greeting and talking to every one jovially; he was well dressed and radiating with joy. He was full of life…I saw a tremendous change in him. The same person, a few years back, was a much disturbed man because of marital discord and divorce proceedings; he went through a horrible time …..He had to fight two years of court case and harassment by in-laws to unsettle him and his parents. He   was completely beaten down to the ground, lost interest in life. He used to dress shabbily, stopped socializing because of the stigma. After a series of setbacks, he fought bravely and got over his past and now settled in the US happily……. Breeze of change ……

 Mohammed Ali, a Heavyweight boxer, a social activist, a philanthropist and the most celebrated sports person of the 20th century, won a lot of awards and accolades, he is known for power, tenacity and strength. He was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, a degenerative neurological condition; during his last days he was not able to lift a glass of water.  What an unfortunate change, the person known for his qualities had just died opposite of it.

Change is an inevitable part of life and we all go through the phase, it may be from small change (like….change in interior of house, buying new dress) to the most significant (new Job, Promotion, Marriage ….and getting afflicted with disease). Some are imposed on us, some are caused by, and few are transformative and mundane.

Physically, mentally and emotionally we all go through change. Isn’t it true that nothing is permanent in life, whether its pain or pleasure, success or failure, win or lose, everything is subject to change and it’s transitory. Change is the only constant in life and everything else is transitory.

When we talk about change, often we relate to technology change and impact on the Individual and the society at large.

Globalization is the starting point of the massive change that we are witnessing today. It integrated the world and the business expanded globally.  Many multinationals started operating out of India and enabled technology transfer. The Internet has opened a whole new world of information with the press of a button. Life has become so convenient (Changed) that you can do all transactions  with mobile or laptop, like... you can book a train or Air ticket, order food from your  favorite hotel, and pay the bills...etc

Technology has brought massive and welcome change to the healthcare industry, advanced diagnostic equipment enabled precision and fast diagnosis. Patients have access to best diagnostic tools and treatments. Minimal-invasive treatment reduces pain and enables quick healing. Mobile apps and digitization of records has made life simple and easy.

Advanced technology has changed the way transportation, automotive, aerospace, defense, space technology works.

Artificial intelligence, machine learning and IOT are the game changers.

The list endless and we can go on writing about how technology is changing society and the individual.  While technology is changing at the blink of an eye, in the midst of rapid change, how are we equipping ourselves to adapt to the changing scenario. Do we have the right mindset to accept, adapt and move forward?

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."  - George Bernard Shaw

We are well informed about the need for change and are also aware of the importance and the host of positivity it presents. Somehow, with all the necessary knowledge, we are reluctant to embrace and accept the change.

Different people react differently based on the situation, personality type and motivating factor. Some guys happily accept the change and learn new things. But for many it is threatening and unsettling. 

 The question lingers in our mind, why we fail to embrace wholeheartedly when change comes in our life, be it professional, personal or in any sphere of activities.

Dr.Spencer Johnson’s light-hearted parable about change “Who moved my cheese”  It elaborates the physical and emotional journeys of four characters-Sniff, Scurry, Hem and Haw, in search of cheese, they find, lose and rediscover in the maze. Highly acclaimed book and he gives very good insights and phases one goes through in the process of change anticipate, approach, adapt & manage change.

Process of transformation

We resist change due to the following reasons

1. Lack of confidence
2. Fear of unknown
3. Lethargy
4. Indifference

1. Lack of self-confidence: 60 % to 70% don’t make the decision due to lack of self confidence and they worry about failure. This lack of self-confidence is not genetic, it is triggered due to some incidence in your life or unconsciously you have fallen into the pit without being aware of it.

Ex: A boy was very brilliant in academics in his school and college days and was very confident. When he joined a job, his boss once remarked in front of everyone that “You are not as smart as you think you are” this triggered the reaction and he lost

Self-confidence

You can enhance self-confidence by not relying on others' endorsement, but by working on your personality.  Be confident in what you do. Couple of points below, will help you enhance self-confidence. 

a.     Groom yourself well

b.    Develop good habit

c.     Develop skill and knowledge

d.    Be in the company of positive people

e.     Think positive about yourself

2. Fear of unknown: Fear of unknown stops us from accepting the change, mind plays the trick, it deters us from taking action by feeding negative outcomes. You will have to break the wall of unknown fear and come out on the other side. 

 You can manage the fear of the unknown by adopting simple steps below.

a.     Understanding: Thorough understanding of the subject matter/ situation is the best way to deal with fear of the unknown, you get to the root cause, and if you have a deeper understanding of the situation, you will be better equipped to deal with fear.

b.    To be in the present: Better way to deal with fear of unknown is to be in the       present and do  reality check. Reality check will help you dispel misunderstanding of the situation and bring clarity.

2.     Lethargy: By definition it is lack of energy and enthusiasm. The worst enemy of progress is lethargy. People have lost precious things because of lethargy. It is essential to identify reason for lethargy and take corrective action.

              

                 

a)     Develop passion

b)    Connect socially

c)     Follow proper diet, eat nutrient-rich food

d)    Follow sleep hygiene

  

4) Indifference:  Lack of interest and motivation in something you do is the major constraint to accept the change 

Develop passion and understand what drives you, enhance motivational level, you will come out of indifference.

a)     Do introspection

b)    Daily write your aspirations. You get clarity on what you want to do.

c)     Read motivational books to inspire you.

d)    Talk to your friends or mentor.

Change is possible, it takes lot of conviction and perseverance……….be optimistic and you will ……